I haven't thought much about tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be 25... in 40 mins I will be 25 years old. I haven't thought this over for a number of reasons, I've been overworking myself, the slight concussion from the fall last week has jumbled my thoughts, and I have been thinking for the last 2 months that I will be turning 24 when the clock strikes 12... not twenty-five.
The oddest thing to me about turning 25 is that 25 seems so legit, so grown up! The problem? I sure don't feel it. When you are young, no one tells you that. No one tells you that Mom doesn't feel like "Mom", that you still screw up... even worse than when you are little, that you still are trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up, and that your questions continue to grow... and multiply... and most of them can't be answered with a simple fact.
I'm glad... I don't think I ever want to feel grown up, or at least what I thought growing up would feel like.
Why does this feel like a door is closing? Why am I just now weighing so much on this one day? Seems so silly. Tomorrow nothing will REALLY change. But... maybe it will....I NEED it to.
Maybe I need that door to close so another one can open.
Maybe I need to move on and be someone else.
Someone more like me.
So in 28 mins I'm 25. I could cry... (already there but not why you think), I could reminisce or
I could complain that I spend mornings looking for and pulling grey hairs from my head.
But in 27 mins I will be 25 and I'd like to send those last 27 mins of being 24 happy, at peace,
and ready to show the first quarter century of my life what. is. up.
So my list, of what I will do with the next 25 years of my life... starting in 18 mins.
...bike coast to coast. Atlantic to the Pacific baby! (On a bicycle mind you, not with a motor)
...hike Machu Picbhu
...learn how to get myself out of and in bed early
...discard negative relationships and cling to and find positive ones
...learn to live without guilt. (Either fix it or throw it out)
...graduate with a Bacherlor's degree (In SOMETHING... doesn't matter I just want that degree)
...drop unimportant events and mind consuming thoughts to spend time with those whom I love
...learn how to use "whom" "who" and "affect" and "effect" properly
...read a lot
...grow numerous gardens while teaching my children to work hard
...be a mother
...learn to keep a clean home
...go to Europe
...compare myself, my life, my family,what I do, and what I accomplish less with people who are not me.
...learn to ballroom dance with my Kerry
...restore an old home and make it ours
...move out of this state for at least several years
...talk to strangers, listen to strangers
... I will better, I will be stronger. I will make less stupid decisions and more good ones. I will beomce astounding. I will help others know and feel they are astounding and LOVED. I will smile, cry, and scream at the top of my lungs more. I will hope, I will feel, and I will DO MORE. I will RELAX. I will
PLAY. I will change the world...............