I have been completely MIA from the Internet this last week
... and it has been wonderful.
I often have spurts, like most of us often do, when I lose site of WHY and WHAT I am.
These spurts are always accompanied with depression. I'm unsure of what causes what, if it is the loss of direction and then the depression that comes or the depression and then the loss. Either way, when it happens life is miserable....actually "miserable" probably isn't the best description...
my mind becomes flooded with yards and yards of unnecessary, doubtful, and entangling thoughts and every small task feels like trying to run in quick sand..
yep...that sounds a bit more accurate.
Probably my biggest problem, and it's here whether I'm lost or not is that I feel the need to do everything perfectly
I have to run 5 miles.
clean the whole house.
give my full attention to Lus all day.
book 4 sessions in a day.
shoot, upload, edit, facebook, blog, email, get prints.
finish website and redo the blog.
make breakfast, lunch, and dinner by scratch.
make it to every meeting, every gathering, and answer every phone call...
YOU know what I am talking about
I HAVE A HARD TIME DOING THINGS HALF WAY
so most of the time NOTHING gets done...
I rather (and I have been like this since I was 5) not do it at all than not do it PERFECT.
This week I unplugged from all the the unnecessaries in my life and decided, for once,to do everything half way, and justified that just that half, (or that quarter), could be perfect it that's what I need it to be.
I didn't run 5 miles, I walked 3.
I didn't clean the whole house, but the dishes got done.
I booked one session, and stop thinking about it.
I had more hours than ever playing with Lusi and giggling.
I scratched the website and blog design this week, that for next.
I shot, like mad, and didn't even think of worry about post or blogging or everything that comes after the shutter clicks.
We ate out and I cooked when I got the chance.
I hungout with my husband and my daughter, without thinking about everything I hadn't done in the last day and week.
It was a spectacular week.
So I'm back to blogging. It more thank likely won't be every day like it has been lately, I might get lucky with 2 0r 3 a week. But when they come, they will be awesome.
Hopefully I get this whole life/mom/wife/artist/business owner/church member thing figured out someday, I'd like to think I'm getting closer.
400h canon elan ii sun-streaming-through-the-window light